I just completed the first year without my beloved husband, Marcel, after his passing on May 20, 2018. I observed the first anniversary of his death by having a very intimate Service of Remembrance in the Memorial Garden at my church. It was a beautiful service attended by my dearest friends who had been my support system throughout my husband’s illness and subsequent passing. The service brought me a sense of peace and hope as I begin the next phase of my life that won’t be marked by all the “firsts”.
Experiencing my first birthday and all the holidays without Marcel, was difficult and sorrowful, but by the grace of God and with the help of my amazing friends and church family, I made it through, and I’d like to think I’m a stronger person as a result.
However, my grief doesn’t end because it’s been one year since my loss. But I do think it has matured and has become less overwhelming and less paralyzing then it once was.
The path of grief can be wrought with twists and turns and more steps backward than forward at times. The path can be very dark, very steep and very lonely. As I trudged along this unfamiliar terrain, there were times I wanted to give up, doubting whether I had the stamina and motivation to continue this journey. Along about the sixth month following my husband’s death, I began to see a little glimmer of light shining along my grief path. But it quickly dimmed as I had to make the painful decision to have my beloved Schnoodle, Spike, put down. The loss of Spike, my husband’s four-legged best friend, plunged me back into a deep funk for a good two weeks. Talk about taking steps backward along my grief path – I think it was more like miles backward. Eventually streaks of light began to break through the darkness along my path, and I began to feel a renewed sense of hope that I would learn to adjust, in time, without the great love of my life by my side.
You never get over the loss of a loved one, you merely learn to adjust to a new life without them. And it is that adjustment to a new life that can be so difficult and painful.
As I continue adjusting to my life without Marcel, I am truly blessed and forever grateful that I was able to share a part of my life with this wonderful man.